Meet My Friend the Inner Critic

June 9, 2021|Uncategorized|

How would you feel if you had urgent information you believed would keep someone safe, and every time you tried to share it, you were dismissed and disrespected? If your sense of urgency was rooted in the belief that something terrible would happen if you didn’t speak up, I’m guessing you would raise the volume, maybe jumping up and down to get attention. This is how your inner critic feels when you’re about to do something risky, something that could lead to criticism, and ultimately, to feeling shame. Your dedicated inner critic is a member of your risk management team --->

Meet My Friend the Overfunctioner

May 25, 2021|Uncategorized|

I arrived at my son’s preschool mid-afternoon, a few hours before I would typically pick him up. The three-year-olds were having their post-nap snack, seated in tiny chairs around a table, and my son happened to be at the head of the table facing the door. When he saw me, he jumped up and said, “MOM! Let me introduce you to my friends!” He proceeded to tell me each friend’s name (as though I’d never seen them before!). His affection for them and his eagerness to share how important they were still warms my heart. You have a group of --->

What Divide Are You Navigating?

May 18, 2021|Uncategorized|

The things that divide us – politics, religion, race – are painful. Do you stand on your side of the divide, wondering how you can ever cross the chasm to reach someone on the other side? Do you even want to bother? Why bother trying to bridge a divide? Hanging with our tribe, the people who agree with our view of things, and ranting privately or publicly might feel good for a time. But righteous indignation gives way to grief and hopelessness. I don’t want to stay in that pain, and I’ll bet you don’t either. Bridging divides begins inside --->

How I Learned the Cost of Minimizing Vulnerability

April 22, 2021|Uncategorized|

This time last year, I had a crash course in the impact of minimizing vulnerability. It’s one of the most common protective strategies, and it comes with a cost. I’d been waiting for a call all week. Grabbing my robe, I hurried to get to the phone. I sat down on the window seat, listening to the rush of words from the surgeon. When she said, “carcinoma,” I was stunned. Despite the possibility that the biopsy would show cancer, the doctors I’d seen uniformly told me, “it’s probably nothing.” But it wasn’t “nothing”; it was breast cancer. The surgeon was --->

How to Make Friends with Your Anger


Have you been trying to stuff your anger? How’s that going? I’m guessing it’s not working very well. That’s because the part of you holding anger deserves your attention. It has something important to tell you. Anger is not your enemy. It’s not a “bad” or “negative” emotion, although that’s probably what you’ve heard. Nerdy neuroscience alert! We have seven affective (emotional) circuits in our brain, and anger is one of them. We are hard-wired (a.k.a. created by God) to feel anger. Anger gives us the energy to take action when something is not okay. And there’s a LOT that’s --->

Fear Blocks Love


Why do we talk so much about love but often fail to be loving? God is love. God so loved the world… Love one another as I have loved you. Love the Lord your God… Love your neighbor as yourself.* At our best, Christians are known for our love. As I write this, wildfires are consuming vast acres of forest in my home state of Oregon. We have been housebound for days due to extremely toxic air quality. Along with other local churches, my church opened the doors to the homeless in our community to protect them from exposure to --->

Why This Flower?


I’m a little obsessed with this flower. Isn’t it beautiful? I was so excited to find it. After the discipline of writing and editing, it was a relief to shift attention to the book cover. Working with color and shapes felt like being on the playground compared to months of staring at my black and white manuscript. BTB – Before the Book – my primary creative outlet was oil painting. (The process of learning to paint as an adult with zero artistic background is the subject for another post!) My favorite part of painting is playing with color. But I --->

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